This is Me: Finding My Voice

So, I watched a podcast episode and it made me think of a lot of things. And maybe this space can also be a place for me to unpack.

So, fyi, it’s not a Christian podcast. But the 2 hosts and their guests are all Christian. And one of them is a recent Christian, but she didn’t want to say it or talk about her journey because she didn’t want there to be judgment because she wasn’t going to stop doing her (her official words were I’m not changing who I am). And then the three of them had a really interesting conversation that I want to dig deeper into. Because I do think it’s worth discussing. Because my heart kinda broke that she felt she had to hide her being a Christian because it doesn’t fit into others’ boxes. But it is interesting when your life is so public because your sin is also public.

I was talking to my aunt about this, and she brought up an interesting point. In my parents’ generation, when they became Christians, they stopped anything that they thought was unholy. Drinking? no more. Clubbing? No more. They dropped it and went to church. But that was also their culture. Family and relationships were built on obedience, not intimacy.

Fast forward to now, when, through intimacy, the desire to sin goes away for people. People can’t give up sins cold turkey. And I think it’s dangerous to expect that. Because if not, that can bring up condemnation and judgment. And I’m not saying one approach is better than the other one. Honestly, I’m not sure if Jesus prefers one over the other. (And if I think he does, I will read). I think there is also beauty in people realizing that their actions are sinful and choosing to repent internally and externally.

I think the concern comes with a couple of topics:

1. Judgment/Condemnation
2. Glorifying sin
3. No relational correction
4. Inauthenticity

I don’t know, it just breaks my heart that some Christians can’t live their lives as they are and allow themselves to be molded. And actions have consequences. Yes. But the consequences from people (other Christians) tend to be harsher than God’s. Sometimes it feels like when someone calls themselves a Christian singer or actor, they immediately become a people marker of holiness instead of Jesus. And because they are human, they will fail. But their failure is now a failure of Christianity instead of their humanity.

I’m reminded of Kirk Franklin and how a lot of Christians don’t like him because his life is not polished. And I have the opposite view. I admire him for allowing us to see the humanity in his walk with Christ. The falls and coming back up. But that’s rare. And I’ve been thinking about this. At work, most people don’t show up their authentic self. There’s a level of professionalism to make everyone comfortable (a standard that’s set in White wealth). This same thinking also occurs in the church and has been one of the problems in churches. But is that what Jesus would want? Us to dress up ourselves so others are comfortable.

In church, the word sanctification is thrown around a lot. The definition I use is the process of becoming pure through a relationship with God the father, son, and Holy Spirit. It’s a never-ending process because we can’t ever fully get pure and holy.

In Romans, Paul talks about sanctification. He says,
For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 6:20-23

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
Galatians 5:16-24

From my understanding, Paul is saying a couple of points:

• Through salvation, we are no longer in bondage to sin
• When we accept Jesus, we get the Spirit. The Spirit is the one to help us to resist our flesh. When we walk by the Spirit (daily, not a marathon), that is how we don’t submit to flesh.
  • The Spirit will manifest itself through the fruit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control).
• The more we are intimate in our relationship with the Spirit, the more evident the fruit will be in our lives. More of the fruit leads to us (Christians) becoming more pure and eternal life.

I think this is beautiful. And I think the beautiful thing about Christianity is that it ultimately is a relationship with God. Meaning everyone’s journey will look different.

An example is alcohol. People can argue about whether you can drink as a Christian. What is irrefutable is that drunkenness is a sin (and goes against the fruit of the Spirit [self-control]). Now then, if I, as a Christian, have a drink of wine in my house, that is good. But then, different standards happen when a gospel singer has a drink publicly.

And I also don’t want this to come across like all actions (and sins) have no consequences. Because that’s not true. I am saying that when these people (except pastors, I’m mainly speaking about celebrities) become singers or podcasters, most of the time they are people who are using God’s gift. They are still humans. People just project them higher. And then when they fall, there’s a sense of glee because they showed their humanity, instead of a desire to help or pray for them to get back up.

I know pastors who hide their alcohol when members come. Not because they have convictions, but because they don’t know how it’ll get perceived. And I think that’s dangerous. Because we’re still living in bondage. It would be different if they didn’t already drink, but hiding something, not to God but to man, to appear Christian…isn’t that a dangerous slope? And there are so many other lenses (cultural, region of living, family, etc…) How can we say someone isn’t a Christian if they do something that we don’t agree with? And what if it is something that God hasn’t consecrated yet?

I don’t know. And this may not make a lot of sense. This post is rushed and not structured well, and will probably get edited. It just…it broke my heart that someone felt that she couldn’t be public with her faith because of her past. Isn’t that what Jesus was trying to stop?

And I truly don’t know what the right approach is. Because I know when you stop doing something cold turkey, there is space for resentment and anger towards others. And it’s also weird because sometimes people on platforms are platforming a persona. And yet, we are condemning them and “taking” away their salvation, something only Jesus can do.

I just pray we don’t become the Pharisees or Sadducees. That we have Jesus’ eyes and discernment in everything. And we are happy when another one of our brothers/sisters says yes to Jesus instead of trying to fix their lives to fit how we see Jesus in. One thing I’ve found is that Jesus is truly Emmanuel: God with us. And nothing goes to waste. Not even our sin. As much as we may not want it to be, sometimes people will find Jesus in a podcast rather than a church at first. And through the podcast, they’ll have the courage to go to church. But we can’t shame others when their relationship doesn’t look like ours or what we perceive the standard to be.