This is Me: Finding My Voice

A couple of weeks ago, I watched the movie David (great movie). I really enjoyed it, but one theme that really struck me was Jonathan and David’s relationship. Although the movie didn’t portray how close of a relationship they had, they highlighted Jonathan’s unselfishness and him stepping outside gladly for David to take his place as king.

As I’m feeling a lot of bitter and envy and why me, I’m reminded of Jonathan. And rereading his story a couple of things stood out to me about the life of Jonathan.

1. The age gap. I didn’t realize just how much older Jonathan was than David. Based on scholars’ estimates, Jonathan was around 30 years older than David. Which meant that when David killed Goliath in his teens, Jonathan was in his 40s, approaching 50. To have trained and prepared to be king well into your adult years, training for your birthright. And then to have that taken away, not even because of your mistakes, but because of your father’s (1 Samuel 15:28). And I don’t want to assume that he knew this when he saw David killing Goliath or David playing the harp for his father. All we know is that after David had killed Goliath and spoken to Saul, Jonathan’s soul was knit to David’s. Jonathan loved David as himself, even going so far as to make a covenant with David, and stripped his royal clothes and armor (sword, bow, belt) off to give to him (1 Samuel 18:1-4). Jonathan could have acted as if he were too mature, too wise to listen or be in a friendship with David. Yet he humbled himself and didn’t let age be a hindrance to a God-ordained relationship.
2. Family Defiance: If it wasn’t for Jonathan, David would have died. Many instances. I wish they had highlighted that more in the movie (they gave all of it to Eliab, which… that’s a story for another day). But the weight of that is, I think, sometimes ignored, especially in modern times. The punishment for being “rebellious” was stoning (Deuteronomy 21:18-21), and if they thought that you hit or cursed your parent, they’d put you to death to remove the evil (Leviticus 20:9). Jonathan, growing up and following God, knew the consequences to his actions. And yet in 1 Samuel 19, when Saul tells Jonathan and his servants to kill David, Jonathan immediately tells David and even persuades Saul to not kill him. Even after, when Saul has unsuccessfully killed David and David is ranting to Jonathan, although Jonathan can’t believe his father would plot to kill without notifying him, he believes and trusts David, an act that was very uncommon in those times (1 Samuel 20: 1-4). Even after Saul tells Jonathan that he won’t be king as long as David is alive (1 Samuel 20:30) he still didn’t stop helping David, even going as far to question his father saying “Why should he be put to death? What has he done?” (1 Samuel 20:32). He later honored his word with David and warned him not to come back, and they mourned together (1 Samuel 20:35-42).
3. Honor: But never did it state that Jonathan’s heart became bitter or that his anger went to David or to God. He honored his covenant with David, and he honored God by obeying, even though it meant that what he thought his purpose was thwarted. I would love to know what he was feeling in that moment. Was he feeling rejected by God? Was he confused? Or was he so in touch with God that he understood that God was the ultimate king and it was an honor to serve him in whatever way?
4. Friendship: Jonathan was the ultimate friend. In the wilderness, it’s said that Jonathan helped David to find strength in God. Which reminds me of Isaiah 40:31, where it says that they that wait for the Lord shall renew their strength. It also reminds me that God will send people to help us to find/renew our strength. Back to Jonathan. Saul, his father, is still hunting David. Saul’s actually the reason he’s in the wilderness. And now Jonathan knows that David is to be king. He could’ve blown his cover to Saul. He could’ve also complained to David about his new reality. But he goes to help his friend find strength. He doesn’t try to fight his battle, because that’s not his place. Instead, he does what a friend is supposed to do and reminded him who his God was and the purpose for his life. Jonathan tells David, “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “My father Saul will not lay a hand on you. You will be king over Israel, and I will be second to you. Even my father Saul knows this.” (1 Samuel 23:17) Jonahtan obviously didn’t know he would have to die for David’s destiny to go on but he was willing to abdicate (or sacrifice) the throne for David to be king. And then they made another covenant before God. We don’t know what the covenant stated, but that shows the strength of their friendship. The encouragement of it, but God also being the center of their relationship. This was also their final encounter before Jonathan and Saul both died in battle against the Philistines (1 Samuel 31)

In a phase in my life where I am feeling emotions of bitterness and envy, it’s always inspiring to see the bible correspond exactly to your situation. So this is my prayer:

Help me father lord, to submit to your will like Jonathan knowing that you have the final say and it will turn out good. God I am also asking you to forgive me. Forgive me when I have made my heart bitter, thinking that you don’t like me and that people are taking what I think I am owed. Remind me that everything in this Earth is yours and I am merely a steward. Mold my heart till it looks like yours. Flesh out the bitterness and envy, and give me peace and satisfaction. Help me to be like Jonathan and say yes and be an encourager, a friend, and even go as far to defy law if it means obeying you. Lord, I pray that you bring me friends like Jonathan, but that I, too, in my relationships, be a Jonathan. Keeping you at the center and showing ferocious loyalty, encouragement, faith, and devotion towards my friendships and relationships. In Jesus’ name.