This is Me: Finding My Voice

In January, I wrote a post about having a servant’s heart and the traits needed to cultivate that. I was previously convicted that my stubbornness was causing fractures and for unity, I need to have a servant’s heart.

This post, I think, especially with Holy week, I’ve also been sitting, juggling having a servant’s heart and being selfless, while also loving yourself. This is sad for me to say but when I hear a servant’s heart, my first thought is: What about me? Especially when thinking of that verse: Love your neighbor as yourself. You can’t give from an empty glass.

Maybe the better question is how do we love ourselves without becoming selfish? and while also maintaining a position of servitude? And not participating in self-hate?

We had a book club for my church this Saturday. And someone that I value and look up to was constantly serving. She got there early, helped usher in and serve food. She gave up her seat when elders came and served food to someone who was injured. And no one forced her and she didn’t do it for the accolades or well done. She did it because she was trying to emulate Christ. And if you talk to her, she is very confident

I guess for me, the issue is I’m all or nothing. And that may not be true. I’m realizing that when I am serving others, it’s to get something. Whether it’s a thank you, an accolade, or (and this sounds really bad) for people to see me as so selfless. And that’s not selfless. But that’s also not loving myself. Because I’m still trying to get affirmation and worth from them. I also think that’s why Jesus was selfless so efficiently. Because he knew who he was so well.

Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God, 4rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist.
John 13:3

“Do you understand what I have done to you? 13You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. 14If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. 15For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. 16Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. 17If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.
John 13:13-17

Before Jesus washed the garments, John noted something really interesting. That Jesus knew that his Father had given him full control. I think another interpretation of this verse is that Jesus knew fully who he was in God and knew his authority in God. Because of this, he was able to be fully selfless because he wasn’t looking to get anything from the people he was serving.

Marc Jones discusses the difference between self-love and self-hate noting that,

“The person who eats and sleeps is showing a form of self-love in so far as he is preserving his life. One does not need to be a Christian to possess this type of self-love. Of course, with sin, people can and do show self-hate when they starve themselves or even destroy their bodies through gluttony…When a person goes to the doctor and takes medication for an illness, he is doing so out of self-love. When we laugh with friends, we are showing self-love. When we put on warm clothes on a cold day, we are showing self-love. And so, much self-love is the result of a natural principle in all of us that compels us to seek to preserve the quality of our life.”

“Sinful self-love is actually a form of self-hatred. When we place ourselves on God’s throne, we are doing what is in our worst interest. This type of self-love hurts, destroys, kills, and leads to unhappiness and judgment. All sins are a result of this warped love.”

The good self-love we ought to attain to is what Charnock calls “a gracious self-love.” Speaking of the three types of self-love, he says, “The first is from nature, the second from sin, the third from grace. The first is implanted by creation, the second the fruit of corruption, the third is by the powerful operation of grace” (Works, 1:224). To truly love ourselves, we must love ourselves as God would have us love ourselves. We love ourselves truly when we love ourselves on his terms.

When we are in Christ and doing everything to the glory of God, we are truly loving ourselves. We are loving ourselves even more than the natural self-love that is in every creature, both man and animal, because we are thinking of eternity and not just this present evil age.

For example, our Lord says to his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Matthew 16:24–25). This is true self-love: to deny oneself — which is to relinquish sinful self-love — in order to gain one’s life.

It’s a great article. Everyone should check it out (No One Loved Himself Like Jesus | Desiring God).

But bringing it back, Jesus was always exhibiting gracious self-love by being selfless. Because he was doing things to the will of God. As Mark Jones writes,

Our Lord is the preeminent example of gracious self-love. He truly practiced what he preached: “In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive’” (Acts 20:35). Here Paul highlights the importance of gracious self-love when we help the weak: “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” If we want to be blessed, then we are not going to attain that through carnal self-love but through gracious self-love.

So after writing his, I’m realizing I need to start practicing gracious self-love. So I can be a blessing to others. I pray that by being selfless and practicing self-love the way Jesus did, I will be gracious and a blessing towards others. The way Jesus was. I want to be able to wash those higher, the same level as me, and especially those who society considers below me. Not because I feel like I’ll look better, but to glorify the name of God.