This is Me: Finding My Voice

Dear God,

You are funny. I felt better today (no song in my heart that I woke up to) but I did get extremely sad during the day. This also wasn’t good because I had a case interview (I thought it was behavaioral lolll).

I just can’t shake the failure feeling off. I do need to. I need to start saying affirmations to myself.

I am enough. I am worthy. I am loved. I am not forgotten. I am not a failure. God loves me.

I keep on beating myself up but I am growing.

Anyways I got 2 surprise calls! Crazy. One to reaffirm me and then one to have a tough/good convo in. And I thank you God because you showed up both times. The first call forcd me out of my place to feel the sun. That resulted in me going to the grocery store and getting dinner. (food is so expensive sighh). The second one was with a long distance friend and have a tough conversation. and i appreciated it

It was also funny because it was a complaint and after the call I saw that it was just miscommunication on both ends. But i will be better. and I’m glad I got it out and that she called me.

I also am dramatic as heck. lol. I need to trust you, but I also think there is beauty in giving it to you. giving the screams and the fear and the concerns. There’s a freedom in casting all my cares on to you (even the ones I find dramatic)

I did have a worship session where I was just sitting in worship. One song that really resonated with me was Maverick City “For My Good”. I do have to remember…if only I knew back then what I know right now. Nothing is wasted in your hands. God you didn’t forsake me and I know you never will”

I;ve also been cooking more. I made chicken stir fry today (it’s delicious). It was really hard because I’m fasting so I couldn’t taste the food. But it came out good! I’ve cooked two meals this week and haven’t ordered takeout once. Is this…growth?

If I’m being honest, I’m still scared. I have interviews tomorrow and I’m scared I’m going to fail again.

I just hope that as I continue this fast that I will lean on God and that he will show me his glory

Also I’ve been going to the gym more consistently. and it’s kind of fun. Kind of. I’m rally trying to be disciplined this year. Who knows maybe I’ll be slim thiccccccc by summer. I do hope I’m healthy overall. I always say that I want to be 75 without using a cane.

Thanks God. A bad/sad day became really good.

Tisa Ibori