Happy snow day! I didn’t go outside once today but everytime I see snow it reminds me of the fact that no two snowflake are the same and how, like snowflakes, we are uniquely and wonderfully made (I hope that’s not a fake fact).
Today was restful and insightful. I don’t know what time I slept but because church in person was cancelled I didn’t set an alarm. I woke up at 11:06 confused lol. But the word was really impactful (being salt of the earth and what that means).
I’m trying to be better at seeing people’s journey through your eyes and not c0omparing it to mine. Ie when someone says they’re fasting to 12, my first thought is to be grateful that they’re taking that initial step and not why can’t they do more for God. Although I didn’t enjoy the way I was raised in the church, I’m realizing that I took a lot of their hardcore/all or nothing approach to you than I realized or wouldn’t have.
I meditated on Psalm 27 again today. I thinkg we’ll move to Psalm 28 toomorrow (unleess you tell me no). The verses that really stood out to me were v.6 and 14. It reads as:
And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me, and I will offer in his tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing and make melody to the LORD;Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD! – Psalm 27:6;14
I know I said this in a previous post, but again today, I’ve just been singing shouts of praise with songs and melodies. But also reminding myself that fear doesn’t control me. I think that’s how I interpret the phrase “let your heart take courage”. I’m letting my heart believe that a job I haven’t heard back from is mine.
I know I said I believe the North Carolina job is mine, but I’ve been wondering if it’s the Virginia one. Or am I acting like Abraham and impregnating Hagar instead of waiting for Isaac? Like I wasn’t going to study for the job interview, but I also want to be excellent as a child of God.
Sigh, God give me clarity.
I did make dinner! stew and rice and spinach. And it was great! The thing with the corporate fast is that I am realizing how little energy I have in the morning. Like I actually need to adjust and make sure I’m still taking care of my body (the temple).
The no desserts part of fast is hitting. But it’s so funny because my skin is so much clearer lol. And I don’t have withdrawal craving. It is telling how much sugar I consumed daily. I think as the fast is winding down, something I’m not looking forward to is how much distractions there are in my life. Like I’ve loved this time with you unbothered. But I know I allow distractions from letting me seek your face. And not having social media, forcing my flesh not to eat, I don’t want to lose that intimacy.
This is the last week of corporate fasting. The third week is usually where I find loopholes and “manipulate” the flesh so I’m not really sacrificing. Discipline is really hard for me. It’s like that verse says, “the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak (Matthew 26:41)”. And my flesh is weakkk. I already feel myself slipping with the gym and these blogs. And I really don’t want to slip with you God.
Side note but these ads aren’t helping. Why did I see two ads for oreo thins? My favorite type of oreos. And I’ve never seen an ad before this fast started. And yesterday at my friend’s place, they had cheesecake, oreos cups. I really hadn’t been tempted until yesterday.
Sigh, let’s pray I sleep earlier than normal and wake up at a good time.
This is Me: Finding My Voice 
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